10X Your Relationships Through Validation



I’ve been reading a lot lately and the newest book is Conscious Language: The Logos of Now by Robert Tennyson Stevens. It is an amazing book and I would like to hone in on one thing that I got from it and leave you with an action, something you can go out and do tomorrow, that will improve the relationships in your life.

The Art of Validation

What I want to discuss is that art of validation and the need to be and feel validated. The reason I wanted to focus on this so much is because of what I am learning as we raise our two kids. What we have learned is that if we spend 10 minutes a day, two times a day, with each of our kids, separately, giving them our undivided attention, they are much better behaved. What I realized was that humans in general just want to be validated. If you look at the definition of validated, it means to confirm, or make valid. At the end of the day, we just want to matter, whether it is to just one person or to thousands of people. We are all after the same thing and that is to just matter…Matter to our parents…Matter to our kids…Matter to those closest to us.


What I have learned from all of this, and through reading, is that if you validate people, your relationships will 10X and blossom. And while we know we can’t tell people how to feel, or teach people how to feel, as feelings are based on perception and experiences. Because perception and experience differs from person to person, it can be difficult for us to understand how other people are feeling and so we discredit those feelings.

Removing Layers of Awareness

We need to start by removing the layers of our awareness and be aware that reality changes based on the perceptions and experiences of the individual. We need to be aware that everyone needs to be validated because everyone is a unique being. Despite things that go on, such as trials, tribulations and even crime, we are still unique beings. If you were to uncover all the things in a person’s life, such as how they were raised, what they were given or not given, where they grew up, you would begin to understand what made them who they are. In the end, what everybody really wants is to be validated. I firmly believe that if you start telling people that, and start to validate others, the world would be a much better place and you will to start to 10X your relationships.


What would happen if today you went home, looked your spouse in the eye and told them how much you cared about them and how much they matter to you? What happens when you spend quality time with your kids, become present, and told them that you love them and that they matter? At the end of the day, we all just want to matter to somebody, myself included.

Apply it to Live a Happier Life

These are the things I have been reading about and the things that I will continue to try and implement into my life and improve upon more and more. We all want to better the relationships in our life and to attract better people and we know that we teach the people around us how to treat us. If you constantly validate people and constantly tell them that they matter, you will begin to improve those relationships, as they will start doing the same back to you. Be honest with the people around you. If someone is there for you and they have your back, tell them how much they mean to you and how much you appreciate everything they do. While we know it is important to take care of ourselves physically, by eating right and working out, we need to remember that we need to take care of ourselves mentally and emotionally. Click here to take the first step towards eating right with our custom meal plans. All in all, we need to do the same for those around us, making sure that they are happy, feel loved and know they matter. Do this, and I assure you, you will live a happier, healthier life.